24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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