I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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