I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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