Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
