You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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