Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
