addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
