so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
