im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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