i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
