I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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