my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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