she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
