You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
