watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
