he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
