if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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