I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
