how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
