I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize