i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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