Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
