hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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