I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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