I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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