God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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