I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
