Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
