she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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