But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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