I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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