I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
