I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
