can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
