I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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