so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize