Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
