You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
