u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
