wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
