it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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