Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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