as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
