why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
