I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
