Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
