Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
