i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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