i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
