Got a toothbrush?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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