if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize