Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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