I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
