So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
