can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
