Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
