a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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