ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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