apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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