i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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