Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
