I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
