I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
