I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Vodka?
Forever.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
