i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
