I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
