god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
