She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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