I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
