It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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