What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
